Change

To whoever is reading this, if you know me personally or not, it would mean the world to me for you to stick around. This is going to be one hell of a post and I have no idea where its going, but please, hear me out. I have to write this.
Hello-
Its been a while since we last talked (or not if you're new here). I know 10 days since my last post doesn't really seem like a long time, but a lot can happen in 10 days. A lot can change. Was I even talking to you in my last post? I mean, it got views so I know people read it, but was I talking to you or just talking to myself for other people to read? If that doesn't make sense, forget it. Just know that in this post I'm talking to YOU. Yes, I'm talking about myself, but I want YOU to hear. I want the whole world to hear. Hear what? A good, honest, and open post focused on me. Not the side of me that shares my favorite shopping finds or pretty pictures of far off places, but the real me. A version of me that I've been wanting to let loose on this little platform for months. A version of me that I am finally ready to share with you. Now.
The idea of this post has been in my mind since the end of last summer, when I realized I needed to make some big changes in my life if I wanted to truly live, to truly be my best and to truly be happy. I played with this idea for months until I realized that early March would be the best time to get it together for once and for all. To finally make these changes and set myself free. So, I set a date. For weeks I counted down the days until that one date when I knew I would be ready for these changes. I'll spare you the details on what the changes actually are, they're pretty personal and I like knowing things about myself that no one else would understand, it gives my life meaning and I think everyone feels that way about something to an extent. Anyway, these past two weeks have been all about that change, and let me say, my life has been greatly altered and more is still to come.
So what happened in these past two weeks? That I will share (even though it kinda stresses me out trying to put everything into words). It all started with this week off of classes my school gives every year to focus on bettering ourselves. Its a spiritual journey, and that week I learned so much and was touched immensely. I had the opportunity to throw my worries aside and help others. I got to do service that pushed me out of my comfort zone and build connections with people I never thought I could connect with. I learned so much about other people. I gained so much understanding, respect and a whole lot of perspective. A lot. It was also a huge week of reflection. Being the beginning of Lent, I was thinking about what to give up quite a bit. It wasn't until after all of the reflecting I did by myself and with others that I decided I wasn't going to give anything up. I was going to add to my life. I was going to add all of these changes that I had been thinking about for such a long time and keep them way past Lent. That got me so excited. By the end of the week I was able to better define some of the changes I wanted to make. I can't tell you all of them but what I will tell you is that I learned I want to stop being afraid, stop holding myself back, stop judging others so harshly, stop judging myself so harshly, stop overanalyzing, stop disrespecting myself, start being brave, start being proud of myself, start living life to the fullest, start taking pride in myself. I know it sounds cheesy (believe me, I hate cheesy) but I've barely scratched the surface. That is what I learned.
Then one other thing happened. One thing that perfectly wrapped up my week of spiritual discoveries on the most positive note ever. I went to my first legit concert to see my favorite band in the entire world. The one. The only. Twenty One Pilots. I've said before that one day I would get up the guts to share how music has impacted my life. I guess that day is today because this band changed my life. I never thought I would ever say that. Believe me, I used to cringe so hard when people would say that someone's music "changed their life." But here I am saying it for the first time and honestly meaning it with my whole heart. I've given TØP my full attention since last may. I've listened to their music, studied their lyrics, talked to other fans, examined the symbolism and learned so much about myself in the process. Seeing them live for the first time in a sold out arena full of people who can relate to and have been affected by them so much was by far the best night of my entire life. I've never told anyone this, but I really do owe them a lot. This band changed me in the best way I could have ever imagined and helped me so much. I will always be thankful for that. I think thats why I was so shaken (and shook as I usually say) after that concert. I saw them last Sunday and the music and words have been ringing in my ears ever since. For a good two days it was all I could think about. Now, every time I see a picture or video from that show I'm overcome with the same thrilled and ecstatic feelings I had during the whole concert. Honestly, I'm filled with sadness too because I miss it so much. That day, March 5, 2017 was the date I gave myself. That day was the day that wrapped up this little journey of mine and began so many more. Looking forward to that day gave me so much hope that I miss being excited for it. However, it also gave me 100 times more hope afterward. It made me excited to take all this energy I had built up during the past months, the past week of my spiritual journey and during the show and release it into the world. I guess this post is the beginning of that release. So get ready, because things are going to get really good. The side of me that thrives off of hope and excitement for the future can feel it. And I am finally ready.
Sincerely,
Eva Louise T.
Alright, so the heavy stuff is over and I feel so good to have it all off my chest. I'm not kidding when I say those words have been sitting inside of me for months. I've also wanted to let some other things out. Pictures! I took these during the TØP concert and they may be grainy, blurred pictures that only capture a quarter of what I was actually experiencing but I'd like to share them. These pics fill me with so many emotions. No wonder the Twenty One Pilots tour was called Emotional Roadshow. Thats exactly what it was.




If you made it this far, I applaud you. Thanks so much for sticking around and hearing me out. I also thank God for finally giving me the strength and making me ready to write this post. Its been a hell of a journey and I'm ready for so many more. The final thought I'd like to leave you with is one that I hold very dear to my heart and one that I've really gained an understanding of recently. Always remember, no matter what:
"peace will win, and fear will lose"
-Car Radio by Twenty One Pilots

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